Test, test, and more test!

Hey all, Happy New Year! [just a little early]. I'm hoping todo something a little different in the future with this blog to release my tortured artist... from the basement... so she can earn that weekly whipping. Oh, um, same humor different format.

I am 89% Evil Genius.

I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.

Take the
Evil Genius Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 73% Tortured Artist.

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

Take the
Tortured Artist Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 91% Video Game Addict.

I got a problem, man. I may not find the answer to life in a video game. I need to turn off the console or computer, go outside and try some reality for a change.

Take the
Video Game Addict Test
@ FualiDotCom

See you in 2006!

~PVPeeved

Two Guys, One Computer, and Porn...

Cops Resign After Eyeing Porn on the Job

GENOA, Ohio - Two police officers in northwest Ohio resigned because they had been looking at pornography and participating in online gambling on the department's computer while on duty, Police Chief Chad Millner said Thursday.
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Just something about two guys huddled next to a computer watching porn together that screams Brokenback Mountain. It sound like they were already doing some gambling w/o the online help, if you know what I meen.

How do you go home for the holidays and face friends and family?

Bob: "Everybody now that we are all gathered here together, there is something I would like to say..."
6 year old Niece Jenny: "You got fired for watching porn with another guy, uncle Bob."
Bob: "No sweetheart, It was not for watching porn with another guy, and for the record I was not fired."
5 year old nephew Jay: "Mom said you were fired because your a pervert."
Simon [Jay's Dad]: "Hey, watching porn does not make you a pervert. Sorry you got fired Bob."
Bob: "Look everyone, I was not fired, I resigned... because the department does not support my life style with Frank. I'm moving to England and were getting married. happy holidays."

Happy Holidays to you all, may you all get what you ask for and find peace on earth.

~PVPeeved

Not your parents brand of Crazy.

This is such a Great Photo. Can't you just feel the tension?



Matt: "Come on Tom, Scientology... Really?

Tom: "Look Matt! YOU... Just don't get it. To beat the Aliens, we need to understand the aliens. Think like they do, use their technology against them. It's all in this invisible report, written on an Alien typewriter. Do you need more proof than that? Oh. look a chicken."

~PVPeeved

How about some Holiday Cheer?

Bad Santa: Do you want this man in YOUR chimney?
Reports of "Bad Santas" breaking the law or otherwise wreaking havoc have been circulating around the world.

Armed with a gun, a man in a Santa outfit held up a furniture store in the German town of Ludwigshafen Saturday and forced two cashiers to open the safe. He filled his sack with cash, locked the two women in the safe and escaped.

Last week an inebriated half-naked Santa disrupted a Christmas market in Dabringhausen before police intervened.

Officers in Swanage on the south coast of England said the flasher had struck a number of times since December 6, and a week later exposed himself whilst wearing a Santa Claus outfit.

That incident paled in comparison to what happened in Auckland Saturday when 40 drunken Santas rampaged through the city center, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards in a protest against Christmas becoming too commercial.
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Oh how I love the holidays. I think that a better protest against commercialism would be 40 baby new years rampaging through town. At least the real offenders would be easier to identify in a line up.

I have to admit that I envy the self confidence it must take to dress up as santa and then expose your self to random women... [little know fact, well us guys usually don't know this, that the chipendale guys don't even deliver the full meal deal.] So, to be so confident that you have something that is so special that some random woman wants to see it...

Damn.

That guy dressed as santa or otherwise, must be hung like a horse, which is what I truly envy and not the whole confidence thing.

Happy Holidays ;)

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday!

A double mirage called the fata morgana is sometimes observed over the Strait of Messina, which is also home to a natural whirlpool that may have inspired the Scylla and Charybdis of myth. Where is this strait?

1. between Corsica and Sardinia
2. between Crete and Cyprus
3. between Italy and Sicily
4. between Morocco and Spain
5. between Rhodes and Turkey


ITALY and SICILY. Spain and Morocco, of course, are separated by the Strait of Gibraltar, whose name is an Anglicization of Jebel Tariq, or Mount Tariq, named for the Berber Muslim general Tariq ibn-Ziyad who conquered Spain in 711. The Brits got here in 1704, and have held on ever since, much to Spain’s annoyance. (This being said, on the African side of the strait is an Spanish enclave called Ceuta, which the Moroccans want back.) The Rock of Gibraltar and Abila, a peak in Ceuta, were the ancient Pillars of Hercules.

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~PVPeeved

And the Dead shall rise and Walk the earth again!

Well... Not dead, just very sick. Thank you stomach flu for reminding me how much I dislike being ill.

I woke up and wa spewing like I had been out all night pretending to be Hard Drinking Lincoln. The stomach flu had me making the same promises... "I'm never gonna drink like that again, wait a minute all I had was gatorade".

Anways I'm suitably recovered and have rejoined the living. "Brains..."

~PVPeeved

Talk to the Hand.

Japan Goes High-Tech to Catch Gropers
TOKYO - Stumped for years by blatant suspects, Japanese police are using forensic analysis in hunting down gropers on crowded trains by matching tiny fabric fibers from the suspect's palm with the victim's clothes.
The technique used by Osaka Prefectural Police in western Japan helped nab 16 suspects in the first ten months of this year, up from four cases proved the whole of last year, said Hirotsugu Sanuki of the Osaka Police's Science Research Institute.


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Fortunatley it's not my hand I want to place on your hump... [Oh no you didn't]

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

[...]

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

[...]

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

[...]

Alright after all that I guess I can understanding being on a crowded train going to work, listening to my iPod it's standing room only and wanting to touch and be touched, but that don't meen you do it. If you touch it I'ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama.

~PVPeeved

Tuesday Trivia!

Separating France and England is the English Channel, although obviously the French don’t call it that. They call it the Manche. What does this mean, literally?

1. The Border
2. The Creek
3. The End of the Land
4. The Reef
5. The Sleeve

SLEEVE. The narrowest point is the Strait of Dover, or the Pas-de-Calais, as the French call it. Marathon swims tend to happen here, starting with Matthew Webb’s in 1875. It took him 22 hours. Several islands in the Channel, just off the coast of Normandy, belong to Britain. But the Bailiwicks of Jersey and Guernsey still speak a Norman French and have a legally complex relationship with Great Britain. The bailiwicks have provided their names to types of cows.
===============================================

~PVPeeved

Don't snicker as they leave.

Prostitute tells all in Brazilian bestseller
"SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - Just two months ago, Raquel Pacheco was making a living as a high-end call girl, turning tricks with up to five men a day in an apartment in a swank neighbourhood of Sao Paulo, Latin America's financial hub.

Her book, "The Sweet Venom of the Scorpion: The Diary of a Call Girl," is a vivid account of the three years that the 21-year-old Pacheco spent selling her body for money. Written in the slang of a middle-class teen-ager from Sao Paulo, it is part diary, part blog and even offers how-to tips for readers looking to spice up their sex lives."

Bruna the Surfer Girl
====================================================

It's more of a 'hooking for dummies' than an actual book. Covers things like flossing is not enough, you must brush and use mouth wash between gentlemen visitors. Mastering the line, "I'm not laughing at you, but with you." The all so important, selecting a perfume that can cover any man's stink, and act as a bug spray.

I think I have seen her commercial with her boyfriend... "I'm not just Bruna the Surfer Girl boyfriend, but I'm also a customer."

~PVPeeved

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla, to much time on his hands.

Football: Congress will hear from bowl officials
"Although the BCS system got the national championship right this year, it has a long record of producing disputes and of leaving the national championship unsettled," Stearns said. "I am not interested in legislation, but rather I seek a frank discussion on the workings of the BCS and how it impacts college football."

There is no legislation pending that would alter the system, but Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis, the chair of the full House Energy and Commerce Committee, wants to prod BCS officials to determine if the playoff format can be improved, spokesman Larry Neal said.
============================================

Is it just me or is this just ridiculous? There has to be something more important than the BCS going on right now? I heard there was a war in Iraq, and against terror. Maybe Rep. Cliff Stearns lost money, or he’s a Notre Dame alumnus and feels it should have been ranked higher [damn BCS]?

OK, Cliff Stearns is a George Washington University alumnus, so under no circumstances should he be evaluating the BCS or football in general.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – Damn the BCS, 60!

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – You look good for 60.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – Not me, my Aggies are ranked 60, they may not get a bowl, stupid BCS.

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – Well let’s tell them to raise the ranking or we take away their funding.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – I’m pretty sure we don’t fund them, but we could have hearings to introduce legislation that would rank teams by their nicknames.

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – I am not interested in legislation, but rather I seek a frank discussion on the workings of the BCS and how it impacts, oh look a chicken.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – I’ll start inviting people and call the hearing, "Determining a Champion on the Field: A Comprehensive Review of the BCS and Postseason College Football… Aggies Rule!"

~PVPeeved

Better to give than recieve?

Hey, angels don't do that!
OTTAWA (Reuters) - One of Canada's leading cinema chains has stopped handing out Christmas wrapping paper to its patrons after parents complained it featured angels fondling each other suggestively, newspapers reported on Tuesday.

The paper features a male angel grasping the breast of his female partner, while she has hold of his genitals, as they kiss. Both are fully clothed in white angel attire.
========================================================

If this is what's preached in Canadian churches, sign me up, it sounds like heaven.

~PVPeeved

Not the sharpest knife in the...

Woman Allegedly Hires Hit Man for Cheese
According to police, Booth was in the Memphis home of the four intended victims last week when she mistook a block of queso fresco cheese for cocaine — inspiring the idea to hire someone to break into the home, take the drugs, and kill the men.
===========================================

My guess is this girl has caught her boyfriend, the "sexsomnia" guy, having sex with another woman. He explains that he was asleep, he doesn't know who that woman was, now lets get high on cocaine and crackers.

She asked him why they call it "blow", when she spreads it on a ritz, and he then explains that just like the woman he doesn't know gave him a blow job as he slept, wasn't really blowing... it's like that.

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday...

The longest lasting dynasty in the world, Japan’s monarchy has traced its Sun Line to what sun goddess?

1. Amaterasu
2. Anubis
3. Heretkau
4. Khonsu
5. Osiris

~PVPeeved

========================================

AMATERASU, whose origin is described somewhat differently in Japan’s first histories: Nihon shoki (Chronicles of Japan) and Kojiki (Records of Ancient Matters), both of which were written in the eighth century. Either way, Amaterasu gave her grandson, Ninigi-no-Mikoto, the sacred mirror, sword and jewelled necklace that have represented Japan’s emperors ever since. His grandson, in turn, was Jimmu, who in February 11, 660 BCE became the first emperor, an event still commemorated annually in Japan.

Shenanigans!!!

Sexsomnia..
TORONTO (Reuters) - The Canadian province of Ontario plans to review a court decision that acquitted a man of sexual assault charges because he suffers from "sexsomnia" and was asleep at the time of the incident.
===========================================

Wow, it worked as a defense? I was asleep, and didn't know what I was doing, it's not my fault... You think he has also tried I was drunk, or I thought she was you, and these just didn't play as well in court?

Why I don't buy this defense and call "Shenanigans!"

a) If he knows he has this condition... He shouldn't be going anywhere to snuggle.
b) "...he discovered was still wearing a condom and realized he had had sex."

Why this may have worked after all...

c) She is so unnatractive that the jury thought the guy had to be asleep, or at least his eyes were closed.
d) He fell asleep during the trial, and had sex with one of the jurors... a male juror.

~PVPeeved

If only it was that easy...

U.S. lawsuit over ape's 'nipple fetish' settled
"SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Two women who had taken care of Koko, a gorilla who communicates with humans by sign language, have settled a lawsuit charging the president of its sanctuary urged them to show their breasts to the ape, a lawyer said on Thursday.
Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller had sued the Woodside, California-based Gorilla Foundation, claiming its president had pressed them to bare their breasts for Koko to help bond with the gorilla."
====================================

You know that Sanctuary President thought he had come up with the greatest, "Guy look at women breast with out paying a cent... at work!", plan ever!

[as a side note we guys have all kinds of blue prints for scams to look at all of your womenly body parts, so far we have only perfected looking at your eyes for free, but we keep working and refining.]

Prez: "Ladies Koko is signing that he would like you to remove your tops."
Nancy: "Are you sure that's signing?"
Kendra: "Yah, it looks like something else to me, and apperntly it's true after all about the Gorilla small genitelia."
Prez: "No, that's sign language... Ah, don't be distracted by the flash from my camera, or if I join Koko in the 'signing'"
Nancy: "Look at that, there is something even smaller than a Gorilla."
Kendra: "We're out!"
Prez: "... What? Your fired! And it's a good size!"
KOKO: "!@#$%^"

~PVPeeved

First step to recovery.

Hurricane-ravaged New Orleans gets Wi-Fi
NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - Hurricane-stricken New Orleans is largely destroyed and abandoned, but city officials said on Tuesday it will soon have universal wireless Internet service.
A free, municipally-run Wi-Fi system has begun operation in the French Quarter and central business district and should cover the entire city within a year, Mayor Ray Nagin said in a statement.

This is how I think the meeting where they came up with this idea went...

Secretary: "Our civil services, police, fire, and crosswalk guard are all staffed at 5% of pre hurricane levels. Only 10% of the original population has returned, and tourism is down 75%."

Mayor Ray Nagin: "You know how we turn this around?"

Johnson: "Free boat tours of the city?"

Ted: "Gator wrestling on Bourbon street?"

Bob: "Half priced drinks?"

Secretary: "return power & water to the entire city."

Mayor Ray Nagin: "Free Wi-Fi for everyone! I'm so money."

Secretary: "How are people going to use there computers if there is no power?"

Mayor Ray Nagin: "OK, Free Wi-Fi, and half priced drinks!"

...At least that how it played out in my head.

~PVPeeved