BobBlobBlog...

You're Correct... in a twisted sort of way.

2006-01-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.
You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.

Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Trivia Tuesday!

2006-01-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

Well this is not what I had in mind for 2006, but I have not followed through on drawing a whole lot so, until I get BobBlobBlog drawn up you just get the same old stuff from 2005 ;)

=========================
In 2005, this country acquired a black, female, immigrant head of state (de facto) and its Supreme Court legalized both gay marriage and swingers’ clubs. Where is this?

1. Canada
2. Germany
3. Israel
4. Poland
5. United States

=========================
CANADA. Paul Martin’s Liberal minority government barely survived a parliamentary vote by inducing a Conservative, Belinda Stronach, to switch sides, ending a romance with fellow Conservative Peter MacKay along the way. The government eventually fell after a judicial inquiry into a sponsorship scandal that, ironically enough, exonerated everybody in Martin’s current cabinet. Elsewhere, Germany acquired its first female chancellor, a dour conservative physicist from the East named Angela Merkel, while Poland elected a former child star and Iran elected Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a Holocaust-denier with nuclear aspirations.
=========================

~Pvpeeved

Test, test, and more test!

2005-12-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all, Happy New Year! [just a little early]. I'm hoping todo something a little different in the future with this blog to release my tortured artist... from the basement... so she can earn that weekly whipping. Oh, um, same humor different format.

I am 89% Evil Genius.

I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.

Take the
Evil Genius Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 73% Tortured Artist.

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

Take the
Tortured Artist Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 91% Video Game Addict.

I got a problem, man. I may not find the answer to life in a video game. I need to turn off the console or computer, go outside and try some reality for a change.

Take the
Video Game Addict Test
@ FualiDotCom

See you in 2006!

~PVPeeved

Two Guys, One Computer, and Porn...

2005-12-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

Cops Resign After Eyeing Porn on the Job

GENOA, Ohio - Two police officers in northwest Ohio resigned because they had been looking at pornography and participating in online gambling on the department's computer while on duty, Police Chief Chad Millner said Thursday.
=================================================

Just something about two guys huddled next to a computer watching porn together that screams Brokenback Mountain. It sound like they were already doing some gambling w/o the online help, if you know what I meen.

How do you go home for the holidays and face friends and family?

Bob: "Everybody now that we are all gathered here together, there is something I would like to say..."
6 year old Niece Jenny: "You got fired for watching porn with another guy, uncle Bob."
Bob: "No sweetheart, It was not for watching porn with another guy, and for the record I was not fired."
5 year old nephew Jay: "Mom said you were fired because your a pervert."
Simon [Jay's Dad]: "Hey, watching porn does not make you a pervert. Sorry you got fired Bob."
Bob: "Look everyone, I was not fired, I resigned... because the department does not support my life style with Frank. I'm moving to England and were getting married. happy holidays."

Happy Holidays to you all, may you all get what you ask for and find peace on earth.

~PVPeeved

Not your parents brand of Crazy.

2005-12-22T07:32:00.000-08:00

This is such a Great Photo. Can't you just feel the tension?

Matt: "Come on Tom, Scientology... Really?

Tom: "Look Matt! YOU... Just don't get it. To beat the Aliens, we need to understand the aliens. Think like they do, use their technology against them. It's all in this invisible report, written on an Alien typewriter. Do you need more proof than that? Oh. look a chicken."

~PVPeeved

How about some Holiday Cheer?

2005-12-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

Bad Santa: Do you want this man in YOUR chimney?
Reports of "Bad Santas" breaking the law or otherwise wreaking havoc have been circulating around the world.

Armed with a gun, a man in a Santa outfit held up a furniture store in the German town of Ludwigshafen Saturday and forced two cashiers to open the safe. He filled his sack with cash, locked the two women in the safe and escaped.

Last week an inebriated half-naked Santa disrupted a Christmas market in Dabringhausen before police intervened.

Officers in Swanage on the south coast of England said the flasher had struck a number of times since December 6, and a week later exposed himself whilst wearing a Santa Claus outfit.

That incident paled in comparison to what happened in Auckland Saturday when 40 drunken Santas rampaged through the city center, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards in a protest against Christmas becoming too commercial.
=========================================================

Oh how I love the holidays. I think that a better protest against commercialism would be 40 baby new years rampaging through town. At least the real offenders would be easier to identify in a line up.

I have to admit that I envy the self confidence it must take to dress up as santa and then expose your self to random women... [little know fact, well us guys usually don't know this, that the chipendale guys don't even deliver the full meal deal.] So, to be so confident that you have something that is so special that some random woman wants to see it...

Damn.

That guy dressed as santa or otherwise, must be hung like a horse, which is what I truly envy and not the whole confidence thing.

Happy Holidays ;)

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday!

2005-12-20T06:28:00.000-08:00

A double mirage called the fata morgana is sometimes observed over the Strait of Messina, which is also home to a natural whirlpool that may have inspired the Scylla and Charybdis of myth. Where is this strait?

1. between Corsica and Sardinia
2. between Crete and Cyprus
3. between Italy and Sicily
4. between Morocco and Spain
5. between Rhodes and Turkey

ITALY and SICILY. Spain and Morocco, of course, are separated by the Strait of Gibraltar, whose name is an Anglicization of Jebel Tariq, or Mount Tariq, named for the Berber Muslim general Tariq ibn-Ziyad who conquered Spain in 711. The Brits got here in 1704, and have held on ever since, much to Spain’s annoyance. (This being said, on the African side of the strait is an Spanish enclave called Ceuta, which the Moroccans want back.) The Rock of Gibraltar and Abila, a peak in Ceuta, were the ancient Pillars of Hercules.

==================================================

~PVPeeved

And the Dead shall rise and Walk the earth again!

2005-12-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

Well... Not dead, just very sick. Thank you stomach flu for reminding me how much I dislike being ill.

I woke up and wa spewing like I had been out all night pretending to be Hard Drinking Lincoln. The stomach flu had me making the same promises... "I'm never gonna drink like that again, wait a minute all I had was gatorade".

Anways I'm suitably recovered and have rejoined the living. "Brains..."

~PVPeeved

Talk to the Hand.

2005-12-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

Japan Goes High-Tech to Catch Gropers
TOKYO - Stumped for years by blatant suspects, Japanese police are using forensic analysis in hunting down gropers on crowded trains by matching tiny fabric fibers from the suspect's palm with the victim's clothes.
The technique used by Osaka Prefectural Police in western Japan helped nab 16 suspects in the first ten months of this year, up from four cases proved the whole of last year, said Hirotsugu Sanuki of the Osaka Police's Science Research Institute.

================================================

Fortunatley it's not my hand I want to place on your hump... [Oh no you didn't]

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

[...]

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

[...]

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

[...]

Alright after all that I guess I can understanding being on a crowded train going to work, listening to my iPod it's standing room only and wanting to touch and be touched, but that don't meen you do it. If you touch it I'ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama.

~PVPeeved

Tuesday Trivia!

2005-12-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

Separating France and England is the English Channel, although obviously the French don’t call it that. They call it the Manche. What does this mean, literally?

1. The Border
2. The Creek
3. The End of the Land
4. The Reef
5. The Sleeve

SLEEVE. The narrowest point is the Strait of Dover, or the Pas-de-Calais, as the French call it. Marathon swims tend to happen here, starting with Matthew Webb’s in 1875. It took him 22 hours. Several islands in the Channel, just off the coast of Normandy, belong to Britain. But the Bailiwicks of Jersey and Guernsey still speak a Norman French and have a legally complex relationship with Great Britain. The bailiwicks have provided their names to types of cows.
===============================================

~PVPeeved

Don't snicker as they leave.

2005-12-12T06:48:00.000-08:00

Prostitute tells all in Brazilian bestseller
"SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - Just two months ago, Raquel Pacheco was making a living as a high-end call girl, turning tricks with up to five men a day in an apartment in a swank neighbourhood of Sao Paulo, Latin America's financial hub.

Her book, "The Sweet Venom of the Scorpion: The Diary of a Call Girl," is a vivid account of the three years that the 21-year-old Pacheco spent selling her body for money. Written in the slang of a middle-class teen-ager from Sao Paulo, it is part diary, part blog and even offers how-to tips for readers looking to spice up their sex lives."

Bruna the Surfer Girl
====================================================

It's more of a 'hooking for dummies' than an actual book. Covers things like flossing is not enough, you must brush and use mouth wash between gentlemen visitors. Mastering the line, "I'm not laughing at you, but with you." The all so important, selecting a perfume that can cover any man's stink, and act as a bug spray.

I think I have seen her commercial with her boyfriend... "I'm not just Bruna the Surfer Girl boyfriend, but I'm also a customer."

~PVPeeved

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla, to much time on his hands.

2005-12-09T06:10:00.000-08:00

Football: Congress will hear from bowl officials
"Although the BCS system got the national championship right this year, it has a long record of producing disputes and of leaving the national championship unsettled," Stearns said. "I am not interested in legislation, but rather I seek a frank discussion on the workings of the BCS and how it impacts college football."

There is no legislation pending that would alter the system, but Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis, the chair of the full House Energy and Commerce Committee, wants to prod BCS officials to determine if the playoff format can be improved, spokesman Larry Neal said.
============================================

Is it just me or is this just ridiculous? There has to be something more important than the BCS going on right now? I heard there was a war in Iraq, and against terror. Maybe Rep. Cliff Stearns lost money, or he’s a Notre Dame alumnus and feels it should have been ranked higher [damn BCS]?

OK, Cliff Stearns is a George Washington University alumnus, so under no circumstances should he be evaluating the BCS or football in general.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – Damn the BCS, 60!

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – You look good for 60.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – Not me, my Aggies are ranked 60, they may not get a bowl, stupid BCS.

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – Well let’s tell them to raise the ranking or we take away their funding.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – I’m pretty sure we don’t fund them, but we could have hearings to introduce legislation that would rank teams by their nicknames.

Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla – I am not interested in legislation, but rather I seek a frank discussion on the workings of the BCS and how it impacts, oh look a chicken.

Rep. Joe Barton, R-Ennis – I’ll start inviting people and call the hearing, "Determining a Champion on the Field: A Comprehensive Review of the BCS and Postseason College Football… Aggies Rule!"

~PVPeeved

Better to give than recieve?

2005-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Hey, angels don't do that!
OTTAWA (Reuters) - One of Canada's leading cinema chains has stopped handing out Christmas wrapping paper to its patrons after parents complained it featured angels fondling each other suggestively, newspapers reported on Tuesday.

The paper features a male angel grasping the breast of his female partner, while she has hold of his genitals, as they kiss. Both are fully clothed in white angel attire.
========================================================

If this is what's preached in Canadian churches, sign me up, it sounds like heaven.

~PVPeeved

Not the sharpest knife in the...

2005-12-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

Woman Allegedly Hires Hit Man for Cheese
According to police, Booth was in the Memphis home of the four intended victims last week when she mistook a block of queso fresco cheese for cocaine — inspiring the idea to hire someone to break into the home, take the drugs, and kill the men.
===========================================

My guess is this girl has caught her boyfriend, the "sexsomnia" guy, having sex with another woman. He explains that he was asleep, he doesn't know who that woman was, now lets get high on cocaine and crackers.

She asked him why they call it "blow", when she spreads it on a ritz, and he then explains that just like the woman he doesn't know gave him a blow job as he slept, wasn't really blowing... it's like that.

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday...

2005-12-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

The longest lasting dynasty in the world, Japan’s monarchy has traced its Sun Line to what sun goddess?

1. Amaterasu
2. Anubis
3. Heretkau
4. Khonsu
5. Osiris

~PVPeeved

========================================

AMATERASU, whose origin is described somewhat differently in Japan’s first histories: Nihon shoki (Chronicles of Japan) and Kojiki (Records of Ancient Matters), both of which were written in the eighth century. Either way, Amaterasu gave her grandson, Ninigi-no-Mikoto, the sacred mirror, sword and jewelled necklace that have represented Japan’s emperors ever since. His grandson, in turn, was Jimmu, who in February 11, 660 BCE became the first emperor, an event still commemorated annually in Japan.

Shenanigans!!!

2005-12-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

Sexsomnia..
TORONTO (Reuters) - The Canadian province of Ontario plans to review a court decision that acquitted a man of sexual assault charges because he suffers from "sexsomnia" and was asleep at the time of the incident.
===========================================

Wow, it worked as a defense? I was asleep, and didn't know what I was doing, it's not my fault... You think he has also tried I was drunk, or I thought she was you, and these just didn't play as well in court?

Why I don't buy this defense and call "Shenanigans!"

a) If he knows he has this condition... He shouldn't be going anywhere to snuggle.
b) "...he discovered was still wearing a condom and realized he had had sex."

Why this may have worked after all...

c) She is so unnatractive that the jury thought the guy had to be asleep, or at least his eyes were closed.
d) He fell asleep during the trial, and had sex with one of the jurors... a male juror.

~PVPeeved

If only it was that easy...

2005-12-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

U.S. lawsuit over ape's 'nipple fetish' settled
"SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Two women who had taken care of Koko, a gorilla who communicates with humans by sign language, have settled a lawsuit charging the president of its sanctuary urged them to show their breasts to the ape, a lawyer said on Thursday.
Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller had sued the Woodside, California-based Gorilla Foundation, claiming its president had pressed them to bare their breasts for Koko to help bond with the gorilla."
====================================

You know that Sanctuary President thought he had come up with the greatest, "Guy look at women breast with out paying a cent... at work!", plan ever!

[as a side note we guys have all kinds of blue prints for scams to look at all of your womenly body parts, so far we have only perfected looking at your eyes for free, but we keep working and refining.]

Prez: "Ladies Koko is signing that he would like you to remove your tops."
Nancy: "Are you sure that's signing?"
Kendra: "Yah, it looks like something else to me, and apperntly it's true after all about the Gorilla small genitelia."
Prez: "No, that's sign language... Ah, don't be distracted by the flash from my camera, or if I join Koko in the 'signing'"
Nancy: "Look at that, there is something even smaller than a Gorilla."
Kendra: "We're out!"
Prez: "... What? Your fired! And it's a good size!"
KOKO: "!@#$%^"

~PVPeeved

First step to recovery.

2005-12-01T06:31:00.000-08:00

Hurricane-ravaged New Orleans gets Wi-Fi
NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - Hurricane-stricken New Orleans is largely destroyed and abandoned, but city officials said on Tuesday it will soon have universal wireless Internet service.
A free, municipally-run Wi-Fi system has begun operation in the French Quarter and central business district and should cover the entire city within a year, Mayor Ray Nagin said in a statement.

This is how I think the meeting where they came up with this idea went...

Secretary: "Our civil services, police, fire, and crosswalk guard are all staffed at 5% of pre hurricane levels. Only 10% of the original population has returned, and tourism is down 75%."

Mayor Ray Nagin: "You know how we turn this around?"

Johnson: "Free boat tours of the city?"

Ted: "Gator wrestling on Bourbon street?"

Bob: "Half priced drinks?"

Secretary: "return power & water to the entire city."

Mayor Ray Nagin: "Free Wi-Fi for everyone! I'm so money."

Secretary: "How are people going to use there computers if there is no power?"

Mayor Ray Nagin: "OK, Free Wi-Fi, and half priced drinks!"

...At least that how it played out in my head.

~PVPeeved

This too shall pass.

2005-11-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

Baby, you make my "love molecule" soar!
ROME (Reuters) - Your heartbeat accelerates, you have butterflies in the stomach, you feel euphoric and a bit silly. It's all part of falling passionately in love -- and scientists now tell us the feeling won't last more than a year.
The powerful emotions that bowl over new lovers are triggered by a molecule known as nerve growth factor (NGF), according to Pavia University researchers.

See I knew there was not anything wrong with me. Now I have a medical excuse why a relationship doesn't last more than a year. I know what your thinking, what about the 5 years you spent with her, or the 20+ years your parents have been married? Those are endurance tests, like an ironman challenge, we were not meant to do it on a regular basis, but occasionly we will push ourselves as far as we can humanly go. Five years? It felt like more.

~PVPeeved

More fun?

2005-11-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

Which of these quotes is not from Legend?

1) Every wolf suffers fleas. 'Tis easy enough to scratch!

2) If you're going to lead people, you have to have somewhere to go.

3) The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity.

4) May be innocent, may be sweet... ain't half as nice as rotting meat.

5) She was so sweet, I could eat her brains like jam!

Bonus Points? Whom said what?

Thanks to Callie & Carni, for revisting Legend in game today.

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday!

2005-11-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

Each of these rock bands features a set of twins, but which one’s twins also went on to play the twin Kray brothers, who terrorized the London underworld in the 1960s?

1. The Bee Gees
2. Good Charlotte
3. Nelson
4. The Proclaimers
5. Spandau Ballet

~PVPeeved

Congrats to Callie, she's quick and correct.
[although she has stated that she would prefer it long, slow, and hard.]

"SPANDAU BALLET, part of the mid-80s ‘New Romantic’ wave out of Britain. The Krays, by the way, inspired the Piranha Brothers, who employed violence and sarcasm in a beloved Monty Python skit. The most famous pop music twins, of course, are the Brothers Gibb, for whom the Bee Gees named themselves. The Gibbs were born on the Isle of Man and reared in Australia. They started out as the Rattlesnakes, evolved into soft rockers, and in March 1978, had written four of the top five singles."

I know it sounds like a good idea...

2005-11-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

Tired of commuting, 4 Saudi teachers marry driver
RIYADH (Reuters) - Four Saudi women teaching in a remote village school have married their driver so they can live closer to work, Al-Watan newspaper said on Monday.
The newspaper said the women from Al-Baha province in south-west Saudi Arabia were impressed with the man's "good morals" and decided to marry him and live together in the village where they teach -- avoiding a tiring daily commute.

=================================

Although I tend to think that women are like Voltran, the more you incorporate into your life the more better... The reality of it all is that I find it hard enough to deal with you all just one at a time [but I am working my way to each of you].

4 wives [no offense] but that is asking for a whole new definition of hell [nagging]. Sure you have heaven on earth for 15 minutes... except you do have to see that dissapointed look in 3... Who am I kidding, all of their faces. I would imagine you would get questions about who you fell in love with first, who has the biggest ass, which is the prettiest.

Yep, you would end up sleeping with one eye open. Then again your not getting any sleep because the ticking from those 4 biological clocks is driving you nuts. Who's house do you go to for the holidays, or do you have everyones parents over to your place. Let's face it, this can only end badly.

~PVPeeved

I don’t condone it... I don't even understand it.

2005-11-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

Man Cuts in Line, Is Wrestled to Ground
ORLANDO, Fla. - Security guards wrestled a man to the ground in a Wal-Mart after he cut in line to get laptop computers that were on sale Friday, a television station reported.
The man started arguing with people inside the store, WFTV-TV in Orlando reported. He then started fighting with the guards, the station reported.

You think they beat him down with those smiley faces?

It's nice though to see people celebrating the season traditionaly:

Bob: Hey Joe why are you in this long line?

Joe: Yemen is opening his stall early tomorrow and giving the first 25 people a discount on all son of god gifts. Are you good for the big day?

Bob: I'm good, got my gift all lined up, kind of a performance piece.

Joe: Don't tell me your playing that drum again... Didn't you miss out on the Gomorrah road trip because you played that thing for your anniversary?

Bob: Crap! What's Up with Yemen and the smiley face buttons?

~PVPeeved

Home for the holidays...

2005-11-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

I found these all quite funny...

Please pass the pectorals
"In the middle of dinner, my new guy told everyone that he was a bodybuilder (as if they couldn't tell from his too-tight t-shirt). When no one looked suitably impressed, he took off his shirt and flexed for them. I wanted to die."

This happens to me all the time. Wasn't until I looked in the mirror did I realize why they did not believe me... That twinkie diet is not working, shirt on this year.
=================

Splitting the wishbone would be a safer superstition
"My date wanted to entertain my family with a trendy new skill he had picked up. Unfortunately, his idea of a good time meant reading the tarot for my relatives. When he pulled out the death card for my grandma, she started crying. We had to leave in a hurry."

And this is why I watch football on Thanksgiving day.
=================

Stick with pilgrims for the next history lesson
"My family is very traditional, so I was nervous about bringing my new boyfriend home from college for Thanksgiving. The talk at dinner turned to a famous statue of Abe Lincoln that was located at the center of our campus. My date related the legend of how old Abe stood up when a virgin walked by. My family looked uncomfortable until my aunt said brightly, 'He must stand up everyday for Susie!' It would have been fine if my date hadn't snorted and started laughing ... until I kicked him."

I kind of want to get to know Susie now ;)

Happy Thanksgiving!

~PVPeeved

Accidentally... right.

2005-11-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

Police Hit Man in Genitals With Taser
FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. - Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.

I'm gonna say that when you play with fire... or the Karma Kitty came back and bit him... I'm pretty sure if your naked and somebody points a taser, gun, or a rock that your rolling the dice if you run.

Just a side note, being naked and breaking windows [sharp glass] is not the brightest of ideas. Do you think he was sitting in his living room singing "Hot in Here", and thought you know... Chicks dig naked guys, and broken windows... I combine the two and it will be like spanish fly. He then goes out thinking he's getting laid tonight, but instead gets his junk electrofied.

Good call.

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday...

2005-11-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better . . . stronger . . . faster.

How much would he cost in Canadian dollars?

1. $2.41 million
2. $5.55 million
3. $7.16 million
4. $12.12 million
5. five bucks in Canadian Tire money

~PVPeeved

Do we see the same thing?

2005-11-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

Islanders pray to Jesus image on plant pot.
Mexicans have set up a shrine at a plant pot on the grounds of a beach resort on the Caribbean island of Cozumel after an image said to depict Jesus appeared on it following Hurricane Wilma a month ago.

Maybe it's just me but all the images that we associate with the son of god... You know his face from the Grilled Cheese Sandwich, Jesus on Fish Stick, and now Jesus on Pot. I can't stop but wonder... Are we all insane? or maybe, just maybe our spiritual entity just has the greatest sense of humour, and enjoys playing practical jokes on us.

I hope it's the second, because that's my ticket out of hell, I'm claiming all my sins, were just one big practical joke on my fellow man, and woman. I just hope it's not like a trial where St. Peter gets to call witnesses, because there are some ladies that may claim our relationship was a joke, a cruel joke, that left them unsatisfied... man I get that a lot ;)

~PVPeeved

WE'RE ALL VICTIMS...

2005-11-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

Critics have noticed that nobody is responsible for anything anymore, since almost everyone is a victim. Here are the top 10 victim stories of 2005:

CHILDREN OF WITCHES ARE VICTIMIZED BY HALLOWEEN. Coming to class dressed as a witch on Halloween is a violation of "equitable schools policies," according to the Toronto district school board. The board said it feared "traumatic shock" if children treat "the Christian sexist demonization of pagan religious beliefs as 'fun.'"

If they come to school dressed as a witch on any other day is that OK? How does a witch dress... Black Dress, Black point hat, Black Cat? Maybe a mole, carries a broom?

Should we laugh or cry? Lord knows somebody should pass some law that would not allow me to dress up as a woman on Halloween, I'm sure that has to be offensive to cross dressing men.
[As a sidenote, when I do dressup as a woman on Halloween are the panties going to far, I meen nobody but me sees them. OK, maybe thats ok, but when I spend an hour at Victoria Secrets picking them out is that taking it to far, or just time well spent?]

~PVPeeved

Treatin the Ladies right...

2005-11-17T06:54:00.000-08:00

Fleiss Plans Makeover for Nevada Brothel

Former "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss says she's bound for a brothel in the southern Nevada desert that she wants to help remake into a resort featuring male prostitutes serving female customers.

Doesn't this describe any meat market bar in america? Why would any woman have to pay a guy for sex, I always thought you all have your pick of guys. [Just for the record I understand picking up a guy/gal for a one night stand, but I don't endorse it... Ok I don't understand it and I'm bitter.]

What kind of things do you think you would hear around the water cooler?

"She said now let's snuggle, and I said look lady I just gave you the best 15 seconds of my life, I'm a male Prostitute not a machine."

"I asked Miss Fleiss a question about overtime, and she refered me back to the employee handbook, the Karma Sutra."

The difference between a Female Prostitute & a Male Prostitute... When a man pays $300 for an hour it's really 5 minutes, but when a woman pays $300 for an hour it's an hour...

~PVPeeved

Birthday spankings... $25

2005-11-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

Ark. Dancers, Employees End Spanking Case

Readers Digest version... Trucker get's $25 spanking with paddle at strip club on his birthday. Judge orders paddle destroyed so that it can't be sold on ebay.

No offense to the truckers out there, but if you go to a Strip Club on your birthday don't you figure something like this is gonna happen... You get Paddled and end up giving guys topless lap dances... [why I stear clear of strip clubs now, at least on my birthday].

His defense is that the sign was misleading,

"Velvet will make sure you don't walk straight for a week, $25"

He just happened to be the first in that long line.

~PVPeeved

Who Am I?

2005-11-15T06:01:00.000-08:00

Supergirl asked the eternal question... Not who's your daddy, but Who Am I? This is what I came up with after seconds of internal soul searching....

Just a boy in love with a girl.

Brother.

Uncle.

Son.

Legend in my own mind.

Class Clown.

Guy with a Blog.

I want to be George Clooney, but I'm more Michael Keaton, although I have been told I resemble Val Kilmer... thanks mom.

I'm Batman.

Who are you?

~PVPeeved

Can I get a Grande - Double Shot - Soy - Turtle - Latte?

2005-11-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

Folgers checking report of turtle found in coffee

Folgers should just call it gourmet coffee and call it good.

~PVPeeved

Two NYC Women to Get Dating Service Refund

2005-11-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

NEW YORK - A Manhattan judge has ruled that two women whose expectations were dashed after they signed on with the Internet dating service Great Expectations are entitled to refunds of all fees they paid.

Expectations were dashed? I must have gone out with these two... What about me and my expectations? Can I get a refund on all those dinners where my expectations were not meant?

What are woman's expectations on the first date?

I have also been told before [by a woman] that ladies make up their mind if they are gonna sleep with a guy [not on the first date] in like the first 30 minutes or so. Your thoughts?

~PVPeeved

Together, but not t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r...

2005-11-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a guys trip to Las Vegas, me and three buddies. After the first night of fine dining, gambling, and drinking, myself and Fred go down to grab some coffee while the young guys sleep off their hangovers. Anyways we are approached by an older woman [employee] of the casino, and she makes some small talk [hey I'm drinking my coffee and have absolutly nowhere to be, so talk, and maybe she has a daughter].

Casino lady, "Are you two together?"

Cant two guys drink coffee and stroll through the casino, joking and laughing, having a good time with out being gay?

Me, "We are together, but not t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r"

Which she must have taken as we are cheating on our gay lovers that are still asleep upstairs. She then goes into a speech about getting a free show if we will listen to her presentation for a new time share. Quickly I say no thanks frankly we don't have time for anymore shows, are nights are booked for the entire trip [and I know one of the showgirls in the shows she trying to give us and we already scored comps for it].

She bids us a fond adu and talks to other passing by. Well we did not move away fast enough, because as I begin to debate with Fred that my tight shorts and muscle shirt, with boat shoes, don't come off as gay. It's his 70's porn style mustache that may not be gay, is defenitley bad taste.

She [casino lady] notices us still standing there drinking coffee, and laughing so comes back to pitch us again.

Casino lady, "So do you two just live together, or do you have some sort of civil union?"

Me, "Look lady I'm all man that loves the ladies [insert I'm a black belt in treating the ladies here], and this tubbie bitch is not even my type. He's way to hairy. In other words were not gay!"

Casino lady, "Whatever, you interested in a free show for listening to my pitch about timeshares?"

Me, "No thank you, and I'm still not gay, but now you have me questioning Fred's orientation... I believe he tipped that hot guy playing the guitar a little too much."

And at this point she notices we are laughing way to hard, and just a waste of her time, and she moves on. We grab some breakfast and then went upstairs and made out, but for the record we're still not gay.

~PVPeeved

Night of Bingeing...

2005-11-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

So this morning I kind of feel bad. I had a friend from out of town here for the day (work) so we had dinner, and then I took him to the airport. It was great to see somebody that I have know close to 20 years (to be fair we exchange emails, and talk pretty often).

He is really big into music, always has been. So, one of the things we talked about was music we use to listen to and music of today, probaly sounded like our parents. After I got home from the Airport, before Lost started, I hit Itunes. I hit Itunes hard.

I woke up and as I recalled what had been done, I could almost here that gorgeous girls voice in the champaign room as I fished out $400 for her, "Oh... now your starting to regret being in here..." [insert record scratch here] Wait this is nothing like that. I'm just surprised how much money I can rack up on Itunes getting the music of my misspent youth.

Itunes & a Ipod is a dangerous combination. Frankly I think the Apple business model should be to give Ipods away... Lord knows even after I put my 100+ CD's on it I have spent several hundered dollars on Itunes [will spen 100's more easy before xmas].

I think the two glasses of Gatorade are starting to kick in as my Itunes hangover is fading. I'm gonna go listen to more music... maybe buy some too.

~PVPeeved

Missed my Calling...

2005-11-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

I should have been a fireman! I have the build (for a fire hydrant).

So I'm getting my bagel and I go over to the toasters in the cafeteria, and three ladies are in trouble, and starting to panic. Me I keep a cool head as I see that one has put a croissant in and it go stuck. Just as some filler info, these are the toasters that have a rack that rolls your toast/ bagel/ croissant through it at varying speeds, and temps.

So now the croissant is on fire and the ladies are wondering what to-do... PVPeeved to the rescue, I grab the bagel knife and insert it into the toaster like oven... The dramatic music started, one of the ladies fainted, as another told me not to risk all saving the croissant. I can see the flames, they are worried I'm going to electrocute myself as smoke pours out of the toaster. Who would have thought that years of playing operation would come in handy, as I deftly push the croissant out the back of the toaster before the sprinklers have a chance to come on.

There are hugs, and kisses going all around (but some how I get left out) and they proclaim me hero for a day. I'm asked how much firefighting experience do I have, to which I reply none, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

And as I looked into their eyes I could see why firemen get all the chicks. Me, I just got my bagel toasted. Although I may still do my own calendar, twelve months of me, a croissant, and a toaster oven!

~PVPeeved

Trivia Tuesday!

2005-11-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

What philosopher's body was stuffed, coated in lifelike wax, dressed up, and put in a display case at London's University College, which you could once watch via Web cam?

1. Francis Bacon
2. Jeremy Bentham
3. John Locke
4. Thomas Hobbes
5. Linus Van Pelt

[don't be shy, I'll post the answer tomorrow.]

Dedication to ones addiction.

2005-11-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

It's a rainy day and I'm watching the smokers huddle in mass, looking miserable, looking wet, as they smoke those cigarettes. They are like mailmen, neither rain, nor sleet, or snow will stop them from their 15 minute smoke breaks. You have to admire that kind of dedication.

My only vice is coffee, and even that I drink at work. I don’t even make it on the weekends anymore. I blame my short attention span and my parents. OK, it’s not fair to blame my parents as they were both dedicated pack a day (at least) smokers.

Wait I found something besides breathing that I do on a consistent basis… I go to work. You can pretty much assume that I will be at work from 6 – 3, Monday through Friday. Somehow that just doesn’t seem as cool, so if anybody can help me out with a good vice I can be dedicated to I would appreciate it.

~PVPeeved

Ghosts of Halloween...

2005-11-07T07:05:00.000-08:00

Yep, I'm talking about that bowl of left over candy... Why can't I just through it out, why did I buy three bags, and did I have to get candy I like if I really don't want to eat it?

1) Bowl of Candy: It just seems wasteful to toss it out, even though I know I don't want to eat it, Or do I?

2) 3 Bags: I'm going with more is better, I just didn't want to run out of candy and be the CandyCorn that has no candy for the kids at 7. So, I knowingly bought more than I needed... at least a bag, if not two.

3) Candy I like: Reese, Kit Kat, and Snickers... Why didn't I just get a big bag of Dum Dums, and stale bubble gum?

Maybe "V" can help motivate me to just toss it out... or "Squishi" can let me know it's ok to eat this stuff [if you check out her blog you'll see she's already into the xmas candy].

~PVPeeved

Ringtones...

2005-11-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

Why are friends ringtones funny, but others are just annoying?

Is it because I'm at the movies, dentist office, a funeral... really a funeral, you can't remember to set your phone on vibrate at a funeral? Did you honestly expect to take a call at the funeral...

"...Bobblobbog was a good man, a decent man. Grumpy sure, but he found other outlets than kicking his dog..."

"get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave), get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)"

"What up Dave? Yep, I'm here now. They are saying what a nice guy that basterd was. Hell no, nobody knows about that trip he took to Mexico, w/ the chick and donkey. What the hell do you think, his dog would be mortified. Ok, talk to you later, yah looks like were about to drop him in the ground now. Late."

Vibrate be damned, just turn the damn thing off. Most other times I'll be right there grooving w/ you an your ringtone, and if that doesn't encourage you to make your phone, beep, vibrate, or just ring... well that's just sick. [because when I groove I strip my 350 lbs body down to a speedo, ok actualy they are boxers, but I make them look like speedos, and I get down girl I get down (you may wanta leave).]

~PVPeeved

Coffee rules...

2005-11-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's just me but these would seem to be some basic rules that we can all follow...

1) No talking front of the coffee maker.
[please people, I love LOST also, let's talk in the hall, or by the book case, not in front of the coffee maker.]

2) Add sugar/creamer somewhere else.
[By all meens get your coffee condiments, but don't block everyone else while while you empty them in to your coffee]

3) If you have to write down everything you want in your coffee (like a recipe) so that you can remember how to order it... don't.
[Who are we kidding, you should drink Tea.]

Feel free to add any that I may have missed...

~PVPeeved

A crime of Passion...

2005-11-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

Iranian kills woman when she proposes

TEHRAN (Reuters) - A 52-year-old Iranian has been sentenced to death for killing his 70-year-old lover when she asked to marry him, a newspaper reported Monday.

[...]

Hamidreza explained he already had a wife and children. "She then got frustrated and slapped me," he said.

The man knocked her unconscious and suffocated her with bed-sheets before making off with her jewelry.
==========================

Haven't we all been there before. You know, your 70 year old mistress says it's time to get married. You being the kind gentle lover that you are, express your deep affection just before you smother her with the bedsheets [from the bed that you just got done satisfying her in. Sorry had to go there] and steal her jewelry.

~PVPeeved

Hersey vs. Milkdudz

2005-11-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

What is Hersey thinking? They don't mind the rock group Kiss, but a company called Milkdudz that sells womens underoos is an infringment on their trademark (that only applies to candy).

I'm sorry Kiersten you will lose this battle only because it will be one of attrition. Hersey will keep it tied up in court and attempt to [sorry] "Milk you Dry". So your gonna need a name to fall back on when you get tired of the fight.

Jr. Mintz ~ Not your momaz nursing wear
PeanutButter Cupz ~ Not your momaz nursing wear
Moundz ~ ...

I'm sure other people have even better names you could use.

Milkdudz.com
Milkduds vs. Milkdudz

~PVPeeved